Gabrielle #33 – V-Day Loveline
Answers to your questions about mommy fetishism, wanting to fuck your friends, romancing cartel members behind bars, and more.
There were a lot of questions this time so I’ll just dive right in. Presenting: the Gabrielle V-Day Loveline 2025.
#1: CYBER PET
Ask him. Invite him to stay with you or, if that feels too direct, pick an event or something and see if he wants to go. Allow him a couple of rainchecks (life happens, no point being a brat about things like that), but if it’s been a few months and he still hasn’t followed through then let it die. People love trapping you in the phone when they have unmet emotional needs and no capacity for intimacy themselves. It’s only worth entertaining in very rare circumstances where you respect someone enough as an individual to show up for them without much in return.
#2: MOMMY FETISH
Honestly just fuck older women if that’s what you like. Who cares!
#3: TOO HORNY
Usually when people ask if there’s something wrong with them, it’s because they think there’s something wrong with them and they want someone else to confirm so they can say “see, I’m broken” and then do nothing about it. Sorry to disappoint, buddy, but you’re probably fine! Depends on a variety of factors, like how old you are, if this is typical for you or it’s become a thing more recently, whether it feels compulsive or you’re just doing it because you’re bored… but four “wank its” isn’t that bad, trust me.
Still, it sounds like you feel it’s a problem, in which case try scaling back and finding other outlets for that energy. Reviving some advice from the first loveline but: if you don’t go to the gym, go to the gym. Friend of the ‘stack Liam told me to answer every inquiry with the following piece of advice and in this case it may apply directly: “Stop jerking off, start working out, and this problem will fix itself.”
#4: RELUCTANT SPANKER
There is a very long answer to this question and a very short answer to this question. I’m going with the latter: you’re overthinking it. What gets people off isn’t a literal expression of their ethics or values in life. In fact, those things are often in direct conflict for all sorts of reasons. It’s an exchange of power that should, ultimately, leave all parties feeling stronger. To enjoy what you enjoy, you need to start untangling it from what you fear it says about you as a person. Don’t be a dickhead who uses BDSM as an excuse to hurt people, learn to clock dickheads who use it as an excuse to hurt people (they do, of course, exist), and you’ll be sound.
#5: NUN SHAGGER
Ever heard of role play? Seriously, don’t pursue this. The impulse to ruin someone spiritually and then abandon them in the wreckage is genuinely quite evil. Find someone who’s willing to throw on a habit, commit to the bit, and work this out in fantasy land like a normal person.
#6: FORBIDDEN NUDES
Depends. Does the idea of it get you going, or would you just be doing it for mani-pedi money and end up feeling a bit wretched? Is the financial aspect compelling to you or is it a cover for the fact that you enjoy sexual attention from him still? Is he hot? Much to consider.
#7: FIVE ON PAROLE
Sounds like the start of a great romance to me. If you genuinely like him, go for it. You probably need to do some self-interrogation and be honest: are your motives pure, or did you just see it on TV and think it would be good for your plot? Reckon you could hold down a murderer in the streets? He’s a real person at the end of the day and inmates come to rely on consistent, stable connection to the outside world. Be respectful of that. Granted it might be a bit of fantasy in both directions, but don’t create any false expectations. Don’t say things you wouldn’t follow through on and don’t overpromise.
#8: HEARTBREAK HOTEL
I’m sorry anon, that shit sucks. Heartbreak is brutal business and unfortunately the usual platitudes apply – spend more time with friends, try to feel joy in being able to do what you want all the time, [Fleabag priest voice] it’ll pass etc. Usually these feelings stick around longer when the dynamic was confusing to begin with, so if that’s the case you’ll have to let all your unanswered questions go as well.
I try to see heartbreak as a reminder of having experienced the greatest feeling available to human beings, which is love. You can’t do anything to change how another person feels in these situations. It is what it is and you have to deal with it. There’s grace to be found in that, I think. We let people alter us and then we let them go, or we don’t and we learn to live with the shape of them. There’s always something good in it somewhere, even if it's just finding out something about yourself that you didn't know before. Nothing is ever a waste of time.
And remember: it has to be so over before it can be so back. You’ll be ok.
#9: NO ENERGY
Many such cases. When you’re used to fucking for validation your sexual impulses will be oriented around other people by default, and it’s hard to unlearn that. Coming to hate yourself less is actually quite annoying because it means you have to start doing things based on your own desires, rather than obscuring them along with the rest of you, and that can initially feel unsatisfying when you’re used to getting dopamine hits from being whatever the person in front of you wants.
But the more you do things because you want to, the more confident you’ll become and the less time you have for anything else. If you don't feel like dating / fucking / flirting right now then so be it. Don’t force yourself just because that’s what you’re used to. Socialise for other reasons, do things because they interest you. Give it time and your libido will make itself known in new, perhaps unprecedented ways. Like Austin Powers before you, you will get your mojo back.
#10: LONG-TERM VANILLA
This one requires a flowchart but I’ll do my best.
Have you talked to them about it? If no, talk to them about it. If yes, please proceed to the next question.
Do you enjoy the sex you’re actually having? If no, that’s a problem and I think you know the answer. If yes, please proceed to the next question.
How important is hot sex to you? If “not very” then you can probably get by on a combination of vanilla stuff and horrible wanks, if the person is worth it. If “extremely, if I have to go another month without getting my head stood on then my life force will expire,” again I think you know the answer.
I genuinely do believe that people can operate on different sexual planes and still have a good, long-lasting relationship. When it becomes a problem, I think, is when the sex feels dutiful. Like, you know you’re into different stuff and you can’t really make yourself like what they like but you do it for them anyway… That’s very hard to sustain in a way that feels fulfilling. Hope that’s not the case here. Good luck!
#11: BUDDY SYSTEM
I've been in a straight relationship for about a decade and I'm 30. While I love my partner in dynamic ways, I am lusting after lives I feel I have missed and people I consider friends. I've been loyal to my partner and working through queerness largely on my own. I've never considered sexuality shameful but I haven't had as much sex or experimentation as I would have liked in my 20s. Shame has rolled in with a kind of complacency, living a lot of quiet lies and watching them become my life.
Idealistically, I wish all my close relationships had a sexual element. This ideal comes from lust but also a twisted kind of care. I don't wish to possess or be possessed, but intimacy is important to me. I fear opening the conversation. In my head, the best and worst kinds of fantasies play until the feelings pass, afraid to make anyone uncomfortable. In the past, I've been able to push through the lustier feelings right on through to friendship at the end of the day, keeping it all secret and never opening up to the possibility of acting on any of these feelings. It gets more difficult as I get older. The whole pattern feels unfair. I feel like a pervert. Would love your perspective on this.
Firstly, I think it’s normal to want to fuck your friends. If you’re sexually attracted to people because they’re funny and interesting etc, it stands to reason that you would have a base-level attraction to your friends. That connection is there for a reason, and those reasons will largely come down to their character. If you don’t look at your best mates and think, “would,” that’s sus to me.
Secondly, it sounds like you need to explore your queerness more openly. When you repress your desires or handle them alone, they will always come out in ways that feel shameful even if they aren’t. The attraction you have to your friends, and the complicated feelings you’re left with, might be one example of that. The way I see it you have two options: be upfront with your partner and see if they might be willing to open the relationship or give you the room to explore things for yourself, whatever that looks like. Or, if you value your relationship as it is and see a future there that you actually want, suck it up. No one can have it all.
Don’t make your decisions based on fear, though. If it’s an intolerable situation, start the conversation and see where it takes you. Most of the time just vocalising things makes them less overpowering and it sounds like you’ve been managing this quietly by yourself. Not good!
#12: KINK COUNTRY
I have questions, but I'm not sure what they are specifically. I'm super interested in desire, lust, sex and how people express it. I just have no idea how I express it. My ADHD has always made me struggle to understand my feelings, but when it comes to sex, I want to try everything and anything but have no idea where to start. What does one do? How do I know what I'd like? Or do I literally need to try absolutely everything once and see what happens? I'm fairly inexperienced and live in the countryside where there's no "scene"... Do I give up and live the rest of my life wondering what I'd have done? Because that's where it feels like I'm heading.
You need to quite literally fuck about and find out, I feel. If you’re interested in it all, then do it all, and you’ll quickly learn what you like. You might end up having some odd experiences – doing things you thought you’d be into but aren’t and vice versa, or maybe you won’t like any of it! – but trial and error is par for the course here. Sex is an act of discovery above all else.
You definitely don’t need to leave the countryside to find freaks, if that’s what you’re after. If you’re “inexperienced” there’s a lot of basic stuff (I don’t want to presume but, to list some classics by way of example: spitting, slapping, hair pulling, anal etc) that should be possible to integrate into an otherwise “normal” sex life. If you link people where you’re from, put a few ideas to them. If they’re new to it too, even better, you’ll be on the same page so you can figure it out together. I’m a big advocate for learning by doing when it comes to sex, because it’s so conversational. You should be responding to each other more than acting out a script.
Not everyone is as caution to the wind as me though so if you’d feel more comfortable exploring things within the framework of a “kink scene,” then go for it. You don’t need to move to do that either, just do day trips. Maybe start by following a few of the bigger sex parties on socials and getting a feel for the vibe (they’re not my thing but Klub Verboten, Joyride, One Night Parties and Pinky Promise are all popular ones in London). Most have Telegram channels with “buddy” systems for first timers, people attending solo, or coming from out of town. And honestly, I know it will all seem quite intimidating, but like 90% of these things is talking. Literally just people knocking about comparing Strava routes and vegan restaurants, but in harnesses instead of jeans.
Don’t give up. We can’t afford to lose more naturally horny people to apathy!
#13: ALL YOU NEED IS GLOVE
Let me tell you first off how I found out I had a kink for latex gloves. Picture this, a young 21-year-old at the dentist unfortunately for her first ever filling. The usual happens – my dentist was a lovely older Polish lady (not my type), she puts on her gloves and starts examining my teeth, and this is where I start to feel a tingling in my clit. I brushed it off, but the longer she took the wetter I got. So much so I thought I’d peed a little bit. Feeling quite embarrassed, I headed straight to the toilet after she had finished. I’ve told partners about it but none have actually been down with it, which makes me sad. I have dabbled in some self-play with gloves though to test the waters. I also have another fantasy where I write to dangerous Mexican gang inmates. The more dangerous, the more I’m turned on. I’ve been writing to one for the past 12 years and, although it’s stayed purely a friendship, I have a secret crush on him.
The cartel wife fantasy is strong within the Gabrielle community. The dentist story is hot and it saddens me to hear that there are so many people out there who aren’t willing to put a glove on for a laugh smh. This is a common fetish though. I don’t think you’d have to look too far to find a fellow enthusiast, especially within dedicated communities, online and off. There’s a subReddit for everything. Maybe start there and find your partners by working backwards.
Absolutely fantastic writing and sound advice!