Thank you! That's a big question and my answer would really depend a variety of factors, including the context in which BDSM is being explored (in Babygirl specifically, in film broadly, in life), which act specifically, etc. I definitely don't think we're living in a post-therapy world though. I think there's a tendency now, of which I am also guilty, to look for too much meaning in everything. That said, BDSM is fundamentally psychological. If you're into it, it probably means *something*. That something doesn't have to be rooted in shame, or a whole identity basis, or be a significant point of self-examination – but I struggle to see how it would be gratifying without roots.
Such a great piece this!!! Totally sympathise with your frustration where there is something a lot less hot about this flat, liberal attitude to sexuality. A lot of the time, the shame is the fun part. Your piece kind of made me think that you cannot be proud of your desire (at least not straightforwardly). Like, to really desire something in that pained horny way, there has to be something (shame, morality) that is keeping you away. As soon as you enter this mindset that there is nothing to be ashamed of, that it’s all empowering, that it is only fictitiously degrading or dangerous or at odds with other aspects of yourself, it loses its pull. This has noticeably become problem for gay guys, where I think the pride mentality has been great for making open gay relationships a mainstream thing (which is unambiguously good and I have no desire to return to the dark ages), but maybe we have failed to figure out how to experience that young hot fiery desire for depravity in a social context which is suddenly telling us that our desire isn’t depraved and is in fact cool and IN. The band Model Actriz released an album a couple years ago which deals with that dark steamy gay shame in a very HOT and PRETENTIOUS way - highly recommend.
"You cannot be proud of your desire" – nail on head. Couldn't agree more.
I need to give that Model Actriz album another go. I remember not liking it at the time (minimal talk-punk simply not for me) but I find Cole incredibly compelling and smart. Remember reading an interview with him a while ago where he talks about recreating the sexual vigor and terror of the musical Cats lol... He gets it.
Thank you! That's a big question and my answer would really depend a variety of factors, including the context in which BDSM is being explored (in Babygirl specifically, in film broadly, in life), which act specifically, etc. I definitely don't think we're living in a post-therapy world though. I think there's a tendency now, of which I am also guilty, to look for too much meaning in everything. That said, BDSM is fundamentally psychological. If you're into it, it probably means *something*. That something doesn't have to be rooted in shame, or a whole identity basis, or be a significant point of self-examination – but I struggle to see how it would be gratifying without roots.
Such a great piece this!!! Totally sympathise with your frustration where there is something a lot less hot about this flat, liberal attitude to sexuality. A lot of the time, the shame is the fun part. Your piece kind of made me think that you cannot be proud of your desire (at least not straightforwardly). Like, to really desire something in that pained horny way, there has to be something (shame, morality) that is keeping you away. As soon as you enter this mindset that there is nothing to be ashamed of, that it’s all empowering, that it is only fictitiously degrading or dangerous or at odds with other aspects of yourself, it loses its pull. This has noticeably become problem for gay guys, where I think the pride mentality has been great for making open gay relationships a mainstream thing (which is unambiguously good and I have no desire to return to the dark ages), but maybe we have failed to figure out how to experience that young hot fiery desire for depravity in a social context which is suddenly telling us that our desire isn’t depraved and is in fact cool and IN. The band Model Actriz released an album a couple years ago which deals with that dark steamy gay shame in a very HOT and PRETENTIOUS way - highly recommend.
"You cannot be proud of your desire" – nail on head. Couldn't agree more.
I need to give that Model Actriz album another go. I remember not liking it at the time (minimal talk-punk simply not for me) but I find Cole incredibly compelling and smart. Remember reading an interview with him a while ago where he talks about recreating the sexual vigor and terror of the musical Cats lol... He gets it.